Bisexuality etc

[USA]

I dont even know where to begin. Sorry. Maybe I belong on some forum for the severely mentally ill. I feel like it right now anyway.
My Filipina GF, of over a year now, is just a fantastic GF in so many ways. Yes, its been a long distance relationship, but she has really made up for that by devoted contact every day and every night. In short, she`s great. She is great company, we have fun and get on better perhaps than I have with any woman before. She loves me true, there can be no doubt and I love her. I even asked her to marry me. She said yes, but postponed our plans for her to get a job.
That she did recently, and not really far from my hometown (yes, I live in the USA). She says its better this way. Shes in her early 20s, I`m 41. She wants to be independant for a while, to save money, to become a full-time resident. Also, this leaves any last doubts I may have that she might be incredibly devoted and call me 700 times a day for the last year because she wants to get over here. She did it all on her own(cept borrowing airfare from her parents) Her family are good people, well known and respected in their town in the Phil. She talks much of our possible (she wants very much) wedding plans, pehaps in a year?
It all sounds pretty good huh? She moved over here a few weeks ago to a city (quick cheap flight from me) with a large Filipino community. I visited her there once already(our 2nd get together now). Our time together was fantastic.

Yes, theres a problem (of course). In short, after I get back home again a few days later (2 weeks ago now) she drops the bombshell on me (kind of let it dawn on me) that she sometimes finds women attactive. I just said- ahmm...ok. Then a week later she went to the mall and called me and had me speak to 2 Filipina she met there. She was obviously flirting with them. She hooked up and got a number. NOW last night she calls me up for a 3 way call with this one she hooked up with, a woman in her early 30s, just a few weeks there herself. We all chat a bit, the woman is looking for a boyfriend etc. She says she wants to meet me personally next time I`m up. Before I get off the 3 way my girl tells me that shes going to spend the night with this woman, then she says shes going to SLEEP with to make sure I got it. I tell them fine, nice to talk etc. bye.
Now, keep in mind I`m kinda old school about stuff like that and was in a long marriage before that that problem never came up in. I told my girl a long time ago how I felt about a man touching her. But a woman? WOW

This is REALLY blowing my mind. I dont want to tell cuz I think that would tend to shut her down. But iti s blowing my mind. I`m not even sure how its supposed to work. I just keep saying "OK" and waiting to see what happens next. My best guess is that she wants a woman lover (friend) there and for me to visit when I can and maybe we hang as a group sometimes. I dont know. I have no idea. I`m out of my element here. Funny ironic thing is as a younger man I used to fantisize about such things happening to me. But now I`m not so sure it seems all that great. As for her, I know she would swear she wouldnt want another man. But she said something about that I can do what I like, she`s not there, just dont leave her. And I guess she wants a lady friend.
I was wondering what people in this forum would think about my problem.
I have often wondered about the Filipinos and how things are worked between couples and spouses when so often the distances are great and it can be a LONG time before one might again see their love. Can anybody speak on that, about how common this type of thing is in Filipino culture now?
The "arrangements" that couples make with each other, yes, and also bisexuality. I really dont know much about.
I really love her, but whoa! This all seems pretty wild to me.

[somebody]

Well for me no problem if she wants a female Lover rather than male. Thats her choice.

But a lover is a lover male or female. For most relationships there is only room for two.

[KeithD]

We'll be over there in March....I'll bring my video camera

[bornatbirth]

i dont know wat to say to this?

but if my wife or gf said that i will be shocked

i know woman have gfs there,which is bad news to you my friend?

ie meaning shes more interested in woman than men.

my wife as a friend whos in a unhappy relationship with her husband and she as a friend living with them and guess what
but whatever there doing doesnt involve him!

btw is this a joke?

[triple5]

Could be a lot of fun to begin with, but you know the old saying, "Two's company..."

Somebody usually ends up getting hurt in these situations.

[nigel]

We're all sexually unique! Her interest in women doesn't mean she wont apreciate what a great guy you are! I think you very much like this girl and once you've got over the initial shock of her sexuality, you'll have a great relationship!

I think whats important in a relationship is that your girl is good natured! If she doesn't seem to hold any affection for you, and doesn't care what your needs and wants are in this life...that's when your in a bad relationship I'd say! So my advice is stay in this relationship! Just let things fly! See how it goes!

[USA]

i dont know wat to say to this?
but if my wife or gf said that i will be shocked


my wife as a friend whos in a unhappy relationship with her husband and she as a friend living with them and guess what
but whatever there doing doesnt involve him!

btw is this a joke?

I dont know what to say to it either. I AM shocked. I really tend to doubt anything would involve me, but then again I have no idea to begin with.

No. this is not a joke

[wiggs]

All sounds good to me,Ive fantasised about that as a younger man and even now as an older man,always wanted to try it.But i wouldn't want it to happen with my fiance and me or a women i planed on having any long relationship with as i couldn't share the person i love with another.Not only that what would you say when she turned around and says to you u had your fun now i want mine 2 men.Then again she could be testing you to find out if you really do love her.Personally i cant shear the women i love with anyone in that way,as somebody said there's only room for 2.

[USA]

Then again she could be testing you to find out if you really do love her.

Yep. I thought of it being a test (and no matter how things are in reality, she is testing me in several ways with this). But I really dont have much doubt that her plans are real as the three of us discussed the matter. So its not that kind of a test. A true love test maybe you say? Could be. I have always been faithful to her. I`m not expressing interest in other women, I really dont have any. So I sure havent expressed any interest in hooking up with anybody but her. Or this girl I guess she sleeping with tonight either. So, if thats the test then I`m passing fine.
Oh, I have no idea.

[bornatbirth]

your gf as moved to a town near you in the usa?

but wants to hook up other filipino women as lovers?

can i ask why just filipinos?

then you need to discuss this with her and see where your relationship will go,does it mean it will just be for her? or will it ever involve you too?

then its for the both of you to talk about it!

[USA]

your gf as moved to a town near you in the usa?

but wants to hook up other filipino women as lovers?

can i ask why just filipinos?

then you need to discuss this with her and see where your relationship will go,does it mean it will just be for her? or will it ever involve you too?

then its for the both of you to talk about it!

Yes not far from my hometown and about a 3 hr flight from where I now live.
I was very very unhappy she didnt want to move right in with me after I asked her to marry, but she got herself a (not bad) job and got herself here. So I really respect her for her drive and ambition.

As far as I know, its nothing to do with race, but gender. So I dont think it HAS to be Filipinas (but is).
I`m also sure if I told her I really had a problem with this she would call a halt to the whole thing. I`m sure she would say I`m much more important. But as I say I dont want to shut her down on this. I want to give her all the rope she wants.
Yes I agree, we have some things to discuss at sometime soon.

[aromulus]

f I want to give her all the rope she wants.

Geronimoooooooooooooooooo

[Eljohno]

It is never a good idea to involve anyone else in a relationship, will not end well!!

[USA]

Well, I guess thats my reality. I have had a LDR relationship for well over a year now with a "traditional" Filipina. With all the meet the family, we must get married in the Phil because no divorce, etc kind of goodness you would expect from a good Filipina girl from a good family. With nothing to indicate that something like this was the case. Not that I could see anyway. And now this.
I cant even blame her completely for this year gone by. Because after all we did discuss relationship parameters huh? The way I put it was that I "couldn`t stand the idea of a man touching her". I told her that on many occasions, exactly like that. Kind of gets the point across huh? And I can remember her saying at some point "a man huh?" and I said back "yes, a man". Well, she has assured me many times she wouldn`t ever with a man since we got together. So I cant really blame her completely for not telling me earlier can I? After all thats the way I put it myself huh? I thought I was really getting my point across about how I felt about her and being kind of funny at the same time. Not really thinking that it would be an issue for real. Now I`m slapped in the face with a reality. And my words are coming back to haunt me. HAHAHA

Well thanks all for the replys you have all given.
But I have to wonder if I have touched on some subects that some people might have something to say about, but would maybe rather not?
I dont really know because my view of the Philippines is kind of limited to the past couple years, but it seems to me the Phil is becoming more and more like a version of "Girls Gone Wild" . Or is it just me? Well, from my perspective anyway. From what I`ve seen on my visit there, learned on the net, many hours of talking to Filipinos and studing about the cultures and people. From what I can see, have been told by my GF and others about things like how the schools are run and etc.
Yep, the "Girls Gone Wild" crew could just set up shop at a school in the Phil.
"where the teachers join in too!!!"
Yes but, the thing is, it seems that its less likely to be talked about because of Filipino culture huh? Well, thats just the way I`m suddenly seeing things now. I`m not being judgemental, mind you. I`m just describing what I see.
Maybe some people dont want to talk about some of this stuff and thats OK.
And I know some people just have other things in mind and thats OK too.
But now I want to talk about it because of my situation.
And I have to give her credit where credit is due. I have been honest about many things that werent easy but I told her openess and honesty should be our policy. Now she has told me and after all if she had never told me would I have ever known? Think about it.
And how many other people here have or have had similar situations (similar in that as it ended up there was some kind of "arrangement" so to speak) Oh, a lot I`m sure. More than what gets talked about all that much I think.
I`m just glad I`m kind of anonymous here

[KeithD]

I`m just glad I`m kind of anonymous here

Of course Roger D. Elsley III of 2673 Derwent Street, Detroit .....

[aromulus]

Of course Roger D. Elsley III of 2673 Derwent Street, Detroit .....

[USA]

You`re good!
You have no idea how close you are. hehehe

[chris40]

sounds like you have some fun ahead of you,and if you and your partners happy then thats up to you two. personaly i could only be happy being the only person romanticaly involved in my wifes life.
as for the" girls gone wild" in the philippines, well it was more a case of the girls keeping tame. my wife was a 33 year old virgin when i met her !

[USA]

sounds like you have some fun ahead of you,and if you and your partners happy then thats up to you two. personaly i could only be happy being the only person romanticaly involved in my wifes life.
as for the" girls gone wild" in the philippines, well it was more a case of the girls keeping tame. my wife was a 33 year old virgin when i met her !

As far as what I said concerning things not being talked about in Filipino culture... I rest my case.

[Jay&Zobel]

Uhhhhmmm...

Sad :-( and im speechless...

[Sim11UK]

I guess it's most blokes fantasy, to have 2 women.
I wouldn't want it now, I'm happy where I am.
I don't have a problem with the situation, so if you can live with it, that's fine.
A third party, will just cause problems as far as I can see.

[bornatbirth]

where exactly is girls gone wild in the philipines?

i have been there over 5 times and never seen a girls bar,i guess im not looking hard enough?

my wife was a 31 year old virgin before i met her,even asking her what sexual fantasies she as and what turns her on is like getting blood out of a stone,so how your gf is telling you shes interested in other girls amazes me!

what replys are you expecting from this forum,i dont think anyone here can relate to what you are saying?

im not sure i should shout YESSS A 3 SOME and get my camera and film it and enjoy myself or feel sorry for you?

maybe after getting there in the USA she can express herself without her family watching her and wants to let her hair down!

[wiggs]

As far as what I said concerning things not being talked about in Filipino culture... I rest my case.

All depends on where and with whom your talking to,I would say most members on this forum and give advice are married or planing on getting married and happy with who they have and at no time would think of shearing there loved ones with somebody else.As for a slap in the face your right it is,God knows how most will deal with it if it happens with the women they asked to marry them and was in love with.How do you deal with such a situation in a relationship,Every body different some it could work out,for how long don't now others if you really truly love the person wouldn't shear there loved ones and tell them,only you can decide.

[USA]

where exactly is girls gone wild in the philipines?

i have been there over 5 times and never seen a girls bar,i guess im not looking hard enough?

my wife was a 31 year old virgin before i met her,even asking her what sexual fantasies she as and what turns her on is like getting blood out of a stone,so how your gf is telling you shes interested in other girls amazes me!

what replys are you expecting from this forum,i dont think anyone here can relate to what you are saying?

im not sure i should shout YESSS A 3 SOME and get my camera and film it and enjoy myself or feel sorry for you?

maybe after getting there in the USA she can express herself without her family watching her and wants to let her hair down!

1."GGW" or however you want to put it, is the Philippines reality today (IMO) especially for the youth today. You can call it whatever you want. But the culture is changing. Just the little things, ya know? Like for example if you get an 18 yr old girl in the Phil to tell the truth if she has ever seen oral sex performed- well sure she has, you just get on the internet- duh!

2 A girls bar? Who said anything about a girls bar or anything like? I`m talking about the actual sex lives of everyday people in the Phil. Not any kind of "for sale" or "trash" if you will. And thats my whole point. The reality is hidden, its not out in the open. THATS MY POINT

3 OK she was a 31 yr old virgin. Point is, stories like that are common in the Phil. The reality of the situtation is much different. And by the way my GF was very shy with me. It was hard to get her to talk to me even at first.
Everything related to (dont ya say it!) sex was "never done" before and lets not talk about. Very conservative.
It took a long time to get her to talk even a little about such things. Must have depended on my reactions. She slowly opened up.
Ahhh... I`m gonna guess with some men she NEVER would have. But she would have loved them and lied to them for own good. What else could she do perhaps? I`m just putting myself in a womens shoes as best I can (ouch! not very good fit!)

4 I`m not expecting any kind of reply in particular. I already made that point earlier.
So not many here can relate to what I`m saying? No one can relate to a sex outside the relationship story?
Ok, my girl went out to the mall last weekend and and picked up some kind of special Filipina they dont have in the Phil because they ALL moved away?
No bud, they are all over they place. No, they dont have a sign hanging on them to let you know.

5 I`m kind of feeling sorry for myself right now.

[USA]

Well they say ignorance is bliss, but I`ve just never been able to see it that way.
I just got off the phone with her (# who knows how many for today, as always) And she let me talk to another Filipina looking for a BF( the one she hooked up with last weekend shes still talking to, but nothing panned out YET). She went to the next mall further away from her house to shop and met 3 Filipina there. And so she told the girls she looking for a friend and she exchanged Friendster accounts with one of them. These 3 Filipina I guess are down with having a friend like that, just like the other 2 were last weekend.

So- she just got there a few weeks ago. She runs out last weekend to the closest mall to her and meets 2 Filipina flirts them and gets a number. She runs out this weekend to the next mall further away (keep in mind this is out in the suburbs at that, not the city) and meets 3 Filipina and flirts them and gets a Friendster. (I know she isnt making this up I`m talking to these women about it also) So I`m going to have to guess this kind of thing going on isn`t exactly unusual.
Again, I have no idea. I`m just guessing. But right now it seems to me that the only thing unusual about any of this may be the part when she says something like- "oh let me call my BF and let you talk to him- he knows"

[Jay&Zobel]

Well they say ignorance is bliss, but I`ve just never been able to see it that way.
I just got off the phone with her (# who knows how many for today, as always) And she let me talk to another Filipina looking for a BF( the one she hooked up with last weekend shes still talking to, but nothing panned out YET). She went to the next mall further away from her house to shop and met 3 Filipina there. And so she told the girls she looking for a friend and she exchanged Friendster accounts with one of them. These 3 Filipina I guess are down with having a friend like that, just like the other 2 were last weekend.

So- she just got there a few weeks ago. She runs out last weekend to the closest mall to her and meets 2 Filipina flirts them and gets a number. She runs out this weekend to the next mall further away (keep in mind this is out in the suburbs at that, not the city) and meets 3 Filipina and flirts them and gets a Friendster. (I know she isnt making this up I`m talking to these women about it also) So I`m going to have to guess this kind of thing going on isn`t exactly unusual.
Again, I have no idea. I`m just guessing. But right now it seems to me that the only thing unusual about any of this may be the part when she says something like- "oh let me call my BF and let you talk to him- he knows"

This is really unusual case tbh... Plus also it seemed that you do not want her attention to be taken away from you but is happening... She is too busy with her "mates"

Maybe ask her like:

WOULD YOU LIKE THIS RELATIONSHIP TO GO ANY FURTHER?
Do you love me?
Choose? Me or your girls?

Ask the 4 w's
W hat
W hy
W hen
H ow

I am sure you know your girl more than we do... Best of luck mate!

[aromulus]

Ask the 4 w's
W hat
W hy
W hen
H ow

!

[Jay&Zobel]

This is really unusual case tbh... Plus also it seemed that you do not want her attention to be taken away from you but is happening... She is too busy with her "mates"

Maybe ask her like:

WOULD YOU LIKE THIS RELATIONSHIP TO GO ANY FURTHER?
Do you love me?
Choose? Me or your girls?

Ask the 4 w's
W hat
W hy
W hen
H ow

I am sure you know your girl more than we do... Best of luck mate!

whehehe...

Ask the girl using the 4 W's

What ? - What would you like to achieve in this relationship? What do you like? What do I like from You?

Why ? - Why do you need other girls? Why am I not enough for you? Why are you choosing this type of relationship?

When ? - When did you start being a bisexual? When would you like to end yor relationship with others? When will you start thinking about US - Just U & ME? When will I have you TIME only your time?

How ? - How would you like your life to be? How will it make you happy? How will you make me happy? How will i make you happy? How will i make you stop thinking about them?


hehehehe... Q's like those... Just Ask... there is nothing harm from asking... Atleast you will know from her directly... you will know the answers...

[USA]

Thanks again everyones replies and time. Sorry if I seemed rude or anything to anyone.
I really lost my equilibrium and couldn`t think straight for a few days. It was REALLY a shocker for me. Still is and only gets more shocking. I`ve been able to piece quite a bit together in various ways, for example asking one of her old friends about it. It is all a lot more bizarre than I`ve intimated here so far. Long story short she hits on pretty much any woman. Young, old, skinny ,fat, single, boyfriend, married, whatever. As her longtime friend put it to me she is what they call "aggressive" with women-she`ll just come right out kiss ya or say "lets sleep together". And if that doesnt work ,if she`s really interested, she then uses courting type behaviour like gift buying.
Point is, its not just an occasional thing,but rather serial. And keep in mind I cant really find out but a small pecentage of what there is to know.

I have guessed for a few months now that she was perhaps sexually abused as a child. Just from small cues. Now I`m all but sure of it, due to the info I now have concerning her present.(maybe thats not true, just a guess) I have no way of knowing that past without her telling me about it.
I think her motivations for wanting this arrangment are- 1. She wants a female lover also. 2. It would be dishonest to marry me and not let me know about this (and as one of her former lovers told me by phone shes an honest girl) 3. She thinks that this would cement her as like the "ultimate" wife- I`ll marry her for sure- how many woman can compete with that after all?

Well, at this point I need to tell her shes wrong about that. I`ve investigated enough, seen enough. I`ve talked to enough Filipinas by 3way "looking for a boyfriend" (oh we might as well tell him! My BF lives in (country x), we`ve been together 4 years) Yeah its not really all that appealing to look at the Friendster of a potential lover of my GF and me and see that the "24 yr old" is 28 and "in a relationship". Well, at least she didnt lie about it to me.

I`ve seen more than enough. Now I need to talk to her about it. I still love her but, wow this is just too much.

Thanks again all. Sorry if I crashed the party so to speak bringing up things that theres perhaps not much need to discuss here.
I mostly have read the posts since finding this forum but this time it gave me a place to write some of this down to help me think about the situation when my my mind was warping so badly that I couldnt get a grip for a few days.

Thank-you for that

[KeithD]

Thank-you for that

If you're in Vegas in March, can we share your room? Seperate beds of course