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  1. #1
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    Why Am I Married?

    You have two choices in life:
    You can stay single and be miserable,
    or get married and wish you were dead.

    __________
    At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
    "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
    "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
    __________
    A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
    "Husband Wanted".
    Next day she received a hundred letters.
    They all said the same thing:
    "You can have mine."
    __________

    When a woman steals your husband,
    there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
    __________
    A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
    __________

    A little boy asked his father,
    "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
    Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
    __________

    A young son asked,
    "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
    a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
    Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
    __________
    Then there was a woman who said,
    "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
    and by then, it was too late."
    __________
    Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
    __________

    If you want your spouse to listen and
    pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
    __________
    Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
    __________

    First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
    Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
    __________
    "A Woman's Prayer:
    Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom to understand a man, to Love and to forgive him,
    and for Patience for his moods.
    Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"
    __________

    AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
    Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.
    A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
    When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and
    only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
    So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
    After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man
    as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him,
    "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick?
    That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
    The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick,
    we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."


  2. #2
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    very good lol i have had 2 wifes and i think most of those comments arnt jokes lol gaz/ maybs


  3. #3
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    lol pen kelan ka pa naging komedyante


  4. #4
    Respected Member Alan's Avatar
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    Smile

    What an excellent collection of jokes! Thank you!

    Al.
    Pressed rat and warthog closed down their shop!


  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs.JMajor View Post
    lol pen kelan ka pa naging komedyante
    My Dad was a comedian but never been discovered at television. I think mana ako sa Tatay ko

    Did you know that I pray this infront of hubby everytime his mood is getting bad.


    Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom to understand a man, to Love and to forgive him,
    and for Patience for his moods.
    Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"

    He will start laughing


  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by pennybarry View Post

    Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom to understand a man, to Love and to forgive him,
    and for Patience for his moods.
    Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"

    He will start laughing


  7. #7
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    The last one cracked me up


  8. #8
    Moderator fred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aposhark View Post
    The last one cracked me up
    I take it thats why you married the second one?


  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by fred View Post
    I take it thats why you married the second one?

    She's always cracking me up, but that's part of the fun

    After many months of organising our visa application and putting it into the VAC in Manila (her first flight) she came out of the building and said "I feel a little bit happy"


  10. #10
    Respected Member nigel's Avatar
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    Some female antics..(pics)New Image.jpg

    There are 7 Planes Of Existance:

    7 — Material Plane: The earth, where you are right now.
    6 — Plane of Forces
    5 — Astral Plane
    4 — Mental Plane
    3 — Too mysterious to describe.
    2 — Too mysterious to describe.
    1 — Too mysterious to describe.




  11. #11
    Respected Member nigel's Avatar
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    There are 7 Planes Of Existance:

    7 — Material Plane: The earth, where you are right now.
    6 — Plane of Forces
    5 — Astral Plane
    4 — Mental Plane
    3 — Too mysterious to describe.
    2 — Too mysterious to describe.
    1 — Too mysterious to describe.




  12. #12
    Respected Member nigel's Avatar
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    There are 7 Planes Of Existance:

    7 — Material Plane: The earth, where you are right now.
    6 — Plane of Forces
    5 — Astral Plane
    4 — Mental Plane
    3 — Too mysterious to describe.
    2 — Too mysterious to describe.
    1 — Too mysterious to describe.




  13. #13
    Respected Member nigel's Avatar
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    There are 7 Planes Of Existance:

    7 — Material Plane: The earth, where you are right now.
    6 — Plane of Forces
    5 — Astral Plane
    4 — Mental Plane
    3 — Too mysterious to describe.
    2 — Too mysterious to describe.
    1 — Too mysterious to describe.




  14. #14
    Respected Member nigel's Avatar
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    There are 7 Planes Of Existance:

    7 — Material Plane: The earth, where you are right now.
    6 — Plane of Forces
    5 — Astral Plane
    4 — Mental Plane
    3 — Too mysterious to describe.
    2 — Too mysterious to describe.
    1 — Too mysterious to describe.




  15. #15
    Respected Member Pepe n Pilar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aposhark View Post

    She's always cracking me up, but that's part of the fun

    After many months of organising our visa application and putting it into the VAC in Manila (her first flight) she came out of the building and said "I feel a little bit happy"

    I LIKE THAT........" I feel a little bit happy"
    " The people who mean something to your life are not rated "the best" don't have the most money, haven't won the greatest prizes....
    They are the ones who care about you, take care of you, those who, no matter what, stay close by... "


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